Happy Holidays Everyone!!!

I know I have been slacking lately on getting around to everyone’s blogs, not to mention keeping up with my own blog!  But, I didn’t want to miss the opportunity to wish everyone a joyous holiday and wonderful New Year (just in case, but I hope to post again before then!)

I have been super busy at work, then my free time has been spent visiting, shopping, trimming the tree and all that fun holiday stuff.  I had to give a training presentation yesterday at work.  Since I have a phobia of public speaking, this has been weighing heavily on my mind for over a week.  I have been wrecked with anxiety over it, barely able to sleep, barely able to eat, nasty to people, completely distracted… the works.  I don’t know about any of you, but I simply hate being the center of attention and the idea of standing in front of a room and talking rocks me to the core.

Anyway, now it is finally all over and I am starting to feel human again.  Yesterday after I got home from work, I was still all tense and full of angst.  Even though it was now in my past, my body didn’t quite know how to let it go yet.  Today I woke up feeling myself again.

Does anyone else suffer from this affliction?  It is horrible, and trust me, public speaking classes haven’t made a smidgen of a difference.  But I am happy to report, that this time I didn’t vomit or pass out!  I am making progress for sure.

All I can say at this point is I am thrilled that I have a four day weekend ahead of me!  Yeah! And then it’s Christmas! Double Yeah!

I will tell you one cute thing my daughter did (lest you think I finally decided to post only to complain). 

We trimmed the tree last weekend and this is really the first year Piper has been fully part of all these festive activities, aware of what is going on and excited over the sudden change of pace.  So my husband gave her a bunch of these long icicle ornaments we have and demonstrated how to hang them on the tree.  She got right to work with a serious face and the full determination to do the best job ever.  A few minutes later, I hear my step daughter laughing hysterical.  Piper followed my husband’s directions verbatim and hung all the icicles on that one tree branch.  The poor little branch was sagging beyond recognition from the weight of five icicle ornaments.  And there was Piper, struggling to find an empty spot on it to hang yet another one!

I swear, just when I think I can’t love that kid anymore than I already do, she does something this fricking adorable and my heart swells even bigger for her.

Happiest of holidays.  Even if you don’t celebrate Christmas, I hope you enjoy any time off you get from it!

OK, please tell me I am not the only one that is two shakes from a breakdown.  It seems like the older I get, the more manic I get around this time of year.  When you are an unorganized person like myself, this whole Christmas countdown is a nightmare. I keep making list after list after list, as if that will somehow help me get all this shit done faster, as if by writing it down and checking it twice will cause a Christmas miracle. 

And yet somehow I managed to get the Christmas cards ordered. Not signed and sent out, mind you - just ordered. Still, I am in shock that I actually did that much, unlike last year where I spaced too long and missed the boat entirely.  Because monumental tasks like these take time, with multiple steps involved.  Multiple steps for one accomplishment is an unorganized person’s greatest nightmare. When sending out photo Christmas cards, the first step is to actually take the photo.

Stop right there.

You might be thinking this is the easy part. You are sooooo wrong. Try taking a decent photo of the Tasmanian devil on a sugar high. It is nearly impossible. On Thanksgiving I took roughly 75 shots of her in the adorable outfit I bought.  None came out.  In every shot, she is making a strange face, looking down, blurry, etc.

I gave up on the Thanksgiving shot.  And the weeks ticked by.  Suddenly, I am down to one weekend to get it done (because something like this, with multiple steps, takes me an entire weekend) lest the cards would not arrive in time to send them out.

With the help of my step daughters doing a show stopping rendition of Jingle Bells to enthrall her and keep her still, we managed to get a few shots (out of another 75 frames) that just might work for a card. 

Please let me remind you that getting the photo was just the first step.  Now I have to go online and put together the card, figure out all the cropping, red-eye and credit card, shipping address, blah blah crap.  After much trial and error, I finally ordered the cards.  Here is the final rendition:

Please note that the special outfit I bought for her is completely unseen.  Why? Because the only photo out of 75 where she was smiling and in focus, she was also kicking her leg in the air.  So I had to crop out the bottom of her shoe, which took up roughly 80% of photo.  Plus I am a perfectionist to boot. Can’t have the wall showing, must be centered, has to be a tad sharper… I edited that photo at least 15 times. So much for the outfit.

But here’s the best part.  I was so hell bent on getting a decent photo of her for the past three weeks, that I had complete tunnel vision.  Due to the holidays and Thanksgiving, we haven’t seen my youngest step daughter for over a month.  So, even though I had all three kids together and available this past weekend, it completely didn’t register.  While all four of us were singing and dancing and clicking and positioning to get a good picture of Piper, we could have gotten a picture of all the kids together for the card.

So my husband says, “No worries. We will have them all again this weekend.  We’ll just do it over.”

Shoot me now.

Jen of One Plus Two recently wrote a wonderful post about mourning the magic. The magic and joy our toddlers see and feel within the world every day. Here is a snippet of the post which you must go read (in my typical fashion I never got my shit together to nominate it for a perfect post award).

I lost this magic, this utter precocious appreciation for every single color and every single thing. Rampant wild joyous magic. It’s this loss I mourn the most. And I thank all that is holy that I have been graced with a daughter who is kind enough to show me the way back. Back to the magic, back to myself.

I cried when I read this post. I still think about the words she wrote all the time, especially when I watch my daughter play in her magical world. I too have lost the magic. Yet like Jen, I have my untainted, pure toddler to bring it back to me in golden snippets that never fail to pleasantly surprise me. With her absolute excitement, her never ending awe and her openness to receive and give to everyone and everything.

The way she interacts with all the inanimate objects around her brings me back. When I was little, the whole world was alive. I remember taking great pains to rotate the chairs I would sit on. To me, they all had feelings and hearts, so I tried my best to sit on them all evenly, lest one of them think I liked another one more. I see this personification emerging in my daughter stronger and stronger everyday. And it fills my heart to the point of exploding.

Her world is alive. There are friends and playmates in every direction, appearing in a blink of an eye. True, with it comes some foes like the scary monsters that lurk in the shadows. But even those can suddenly become a giggle partner when exposed by the light.

Every day there seems to be a new adventure with a new pal. She is a caring soul, my daughter. She delights in making others happy and making sure they are well tended to in every way. And that includes our new trash can.

When Piper saw that sticker on the front of the new trash can, her face lit up like a Christmas tree. Pointing at the photo, she exclaimed in pure and absolute excitement, “Ooooooh, loooooooooooook! Trash can, that’s you! That’s you! That’s your picture right there!”

Her face, her voice, her excitement and joy. Over a trash can. Over a picture of a trash can.

And just like that. {Poof}  My heart melts all over the kitchen floor. With every object she brings to life, I become more alive. Like magic.