That saying old saying is so true, so true…even in your dreams.

In last night’s dream, I was by myself driving down a winding country road. The weather was perfect so I rolled all the windows down to enjoy the warm breeze. The air smelled rich and clean. It must have been autumn because the trees were vibrant colors that took your breath away.

So there I was, casually driving along with my arm resting on the open window… soaking up the scenic view… loving the quietness and the wind on my face… feeling completely relaxed and peaceful…

When I felt a tap tap tap on my thigh.

Smiling ear to ear with such joy, I turned around to see this ugly small gargoyle perched on the console between the two front seats. He had warts all over his face, red glaring eyes and these huge fangs that were dripping blood.

He curled up his warty nose and snarled, “Turn left here or I’ll kill ya.”

My reaction went along the lines of WTF?  followed by “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

I screamed myself awake. 

Unfortunately, I am just as neurotic and unstable in my dreams as I am in real life. I am easily startled. Mind you, it’s not as if I was expecting to turn around and find Brad Pitt offering me a blueberry scone. But still, I can safely say I was expecting a human being at the very least! Even now, the scariest part of that dream was not the horrible gargoyle or his menancing words. It was how you can be ripped from a state of nirvana one second and throw into hell the next.

Once I calmed back down, I started to get pissed off. Talk about cruel! I had just spent the entire week being on call and dealing with a sick kid. Then, on the one night the phone doesn’t ring or the baby doesn’t cry, I get shocked awake by a stupid dream!  I felt like the butt end of some cosmic joke or something.  The universe can be sucky sometimes.

Do you hear that universe? I said, YOU SUCK! That’s right, YOU REALLY SUCK SOMETIMES! And you owe me for that twisted sick prank. I will be accepting apologies all week in my dreams. I demand nothing short of erotic pleasant dreams. You can skip the scones, but feel free to throw in the likes of Brad Pitt. 

Shirtless. 

I am always getting slack from my husband, friends and step kids about the obscure movies I have seen. Granted, I am a movie nut, so the odds are in my favor that I have seen many more “lesser known” films than they would have. But, I still need to prove to these people that I am not a freak. That’s where you all come in, especially all of you out there that are around my age. 

I thought it would be fun to list some of the major culprits.  Below are a bunch of films that generally elicit blank stares whenever they are mentioned.  Tell me which ones you have seen, liked, hated or consider to be rare gems.  (I tried to list them in some sort of relevant order)

Let’s start with the punk era films, the highlight of my youth for sure.  All of these I saw in the theater because like, OH MY GOD! you just weren’t cool if you didn’t (and not everyone had VHS back then because like, OH MY GOD! I am really that old):

• Suburbia with Flea of The Red Hot Chili Peppers
• Dogs in Space with Michael Hutchence of INXS
• The Man Who Fell To Earth with David Bowie {drool}
• Liquid Sky (anything with the tagline “I kill with my c*nt” is destined to be obscure)

These are ones I sort of grew up with and were played constantly on cable at three in the morning:

• Smashing Time with a very young Lynn Redgrave. This movie was chock full of 60 mod outfits that I studied it like a college course.  Needless to say, I looked smashing in my go-go boots and plastic mini skirts.
• April Fool’s Day  The thing I remember most about this movie is being pleasantly surprised that a B slasher/gasher flick could have good acting in it.  A great pajama party movie that I plan to turn my step kids onto one of these days.
• Baghdad Cafe  There is something about this movie and The Milagro Bean Field War that mesmerizes me and sucks me in every time. (aside from the fact that my aunt dated Ruben Blades)

These are movies that left their permanent mark on my life for both good and bad reasons:

• Don’t Be Afraid of The Dark This movie haunted my dreams for years. Those pointy head midget creatures scared the bejesus out of me. It should have been titled, “Be Very Afraid of Bricked Up Fireplaces”.  Unfortunately, we had a bricked up fireplace in our house.  Need I go on?
• The Cook The Thief His Wife & Her Lover  This was one of those films everyone ranted and raved about. Then I go to see it and I’m all WTF?  Clearly, I either lacked appreciation for independent artsy films or I lacked pretentiousness.  Maybe I’ll watch it again now that I am wiser and more pretentious. Or maybe I’d rather be shot with tacks instead.
• The Fearless Vampire Killers with Sharon Tate.  I thought her so stunning and beautiful, yet her murder and the facts surrounding it were so disturbing.  I wrote a paper about in 10th grade about it and him (I don’t want any freaks finding my blog by writing his name).

Lesser known foreign favs:

• Run Lola Run  I keep telling my step kids they will love this movie. No one listens.
• All The Mornings Are A Song  This movie touches my heart and is an all around treat for the soul
• The King of Hearts   A classic.
• Queen Margot  Once you get past the typical French raunchiness, it is very good and even educational.

And finally, some movies I own and watch over and over and over again.  Not really obscure, but anyone who knows me for more than a year is forced to watch them or we will no longer be friends, so I had to throw them in.

• Stigmata  The struggling Catholic in me loves this film.
• A Room With A View  One of the all time best movies EVER!
• Picnic At Hanging Rock Last, but definitely not least .  Can I just tell you how much a part of my life this movie is? I have seen it dozens of times. I read the book.  I bought the tape.  I even went to see it in the theater when it was re-released for it’s 20th anniversary. I went by myself and was the first in line (then again, only about four other people showed up, but still).  The music is haunting, the story is seductive, the time period is romantic and the philosophical ponderings are deep.

“A boy! A girl! A rock!”  What more can you ask for?

C’mon, help me out here people! Feel free to challenge me and add to the list with your own favorite lesser knowns.

It’s raining here AGAIN!

But today it is rather appropriate, because there is much showering of baby love going on. Catherine, Kristen, Julie and Nancy are hosting a virtual bloggy baby shower for Tammie (Soul Gardening), Liz (Mom-101) and Christina (A Mommy Story). Although I am not exactly intimate blog friends with all these fine ladies, I am always up for a party, not to mention putting in my two cents worth when actually asked to do so.  So, along with Jess, I am just another weird third cousin crashing the party. Whoohoo!

For the virtual “gifts” being bestowed up these highly uncomfortable ready to finally get this thing out of me or I will kill pregnant women, we were asked to relate the best ADvice and best ASSvice we received during our past miserable existence as a beached whale with a pea for a bladder and no sleep in weeks pregnancies. 

Because I more or less have blocked out the majority of those last torturous months, I cannot remember much of anything that really pertained to the baby and my hell pregnancy.  So, thinking back, the best advice I can recall had to do with my cats, because they were the only aspect of my life that did not cause me pain and discomfort.

As a fellow animal lover, I remember my pediatrician told me to wrap the baby up in a blanket overnight, then take the blanket home so the cats can get use to her scent before she arrived.  I am not sure if this actually made a difference in the end, but walking into my house and seeing both cats snuggled up on that blanket sure put my mind at ease.

Now for the ASSvice:

An aquaitance of ours named Mussolini {names have been changed to protect the innocent} actually told us to keep the cats locked in the cellar for that first week. (Mind you, this suggestion came after his first suggestion to “just get rid of them”.)  Needless to say, we did anything but that!

I honestly don’t know if any of ya’ll have pets at home, but there you go anyway!

Congratulations to all of you!  May your labors be short and your naps long!

Visit the official shower site for more advice, fun and games.  Chances to win great prizes and funny pictures abound. 

{P.S. thanks to the hostesses for a wonderful party and being so damned organized you all make me sick}

If you have ever taken a basic logic course, then you are aware of tautologies. Since I realize no one except us dorky philosophers retain this crap, let me refresh your memory.

A tautology is a funky little statement that is always true, it can never be false. Examples of tautologies would be:

“It is raining outside or it is not.”

“If I am tired, then I am tired.”

Since tautologies will always be true, logicians conclude that they do not yield any new information or add any validity to an argument.

I don’t wholly agree with this point of view. If you look beyond the mere truth value of these statements, you can yield important information from them. For example, you can deduce that the statement reveals an absolute, as in something has a particular quality or does not. As in, there is no middle ground and there are no degrees. As in, it’s all or nothing folks. Call me radical, but I find this kind of information to be relevant at times.

So, although many philosophers might conclude that the sentence below tells you nothing new about the state of the world or reveals any pertinent information, I beg to differ. I think it speaks VOLUMES, especially to anyone who has ever been stuck inside the house for more than three hours with a two year old.

“She is either napping or she is not.”