This, That, Me, Him, Her & It
Tuesday, September 8, 2009 at 07:47PM Sunday night we were sitting outside in our backyard when my husband goes, “What the hell is that?”
“What?”
“That!”
“What that?”
“That! That on the window sill.”
Turns out that was nothing more than an innocent peanut sitting on our window sill.
Then he goes, “Now where the hell did that come from?”
Me (the animal lover) tells him it was no doubt left there by one of the friendly neighborhood squirrels.
He (the mean one) goes, “Screw that!” and tosses the peanut over the fence.
Me (the world’s twin sister) says, “Awwww. Why’d you do that for? Now it’ll come back and be all upset its peanut is gone!”
But still, I wasn’t about to climb over the fence and get it back. So there it sat.
Then today, we weren’t even in the house but five minutes before he goes, “What the hell is this?”
“What?”
“This!”
“What this?”
“This! This on the window sill!”
This is what he was talking about:
Our window, totally clawed, chewed, mangled and basically destroyed. Little muddy squirrel prints were the dead giveaway as to did who did this.
So me (the animal lover) was all, “It was the squirrel! It was looking for his peanut!! It thinks we stole its peanut”
And him (the pointer of all fingers to blame) goes, “NO! It was trying to get this!”
“What?”
“This!”
“What this?”
“This! This open packet of cat treats you left here on the counter!”
Me (the defender of all things fuzzy and small) says, “If it had its peanut, it wouldn’t want that!”
He (the big bully of all things fuzzy and small) turns on the cat and goes, “OREO! Why didn’t you stop it! Why’d you let it do this!”
Me (the cat lover extraordinaire) yells, “Don’t you go blaming this on him!”
Then out of nowhere, she (the oblivious four year) interrupts, “Can I watch my show now?”
So I put on her show, then go and get the camera, just in case the warranty for these over priced windows covers bionic squirrel teeth.
Not two seconds later, she (the sieve of endless attention) calls me over with, “Mommy, come here and take a picture of this.”
“What?
“This.”
“What this?”
“This. My show.”
Me (the totally frazzled mother of a four year old and useless cat) goes, “Now why would I want to take a picture of that?”
And she (the four year old with an idiot mother) rolls her eyes and says, “Soooo you can show your friends! So they’ll know that I’m watching this!”
So here you go friends, she was watching this:
Barbie of Swan Lake. Highly recommended by her (the center of the universe).
And I leave you with this, because really, what else could I do with a comment like that after it did this to us because he did that to him?
You (the all knowing internet) tell me (the person who doesn’t know if she’s coming or going) what I should being do with all that?
damaged windows, peanuts, squirrels in The Kid
Reader Comments (3)
I hate squirrels.
I love that P says "Can I watch my show". Jake says that too. Like he is a 70 year old woman talking about The Young and The Restless
omg, conversation has become 4 letter words..........
the unicorn does something with its eyes that is very catchy;);) and easy for a 4yo to imitate!
i battled the squirrels on the roof for over 6 months, the professional advice was wait until it's 90 degrees out and they'll leave, much more humane and less expensive.
I hate squirrels tool... they took a bit out of the siding on the corner of my house... actually a lot of little bites that look like one huge monster bite!