When You're Good, You're Good
Tuesday, September 15, 2009 at 10:25PM Did I happen to mention that my daughter’s new school is a catholic school?
Hmmmm. Probably not. Because I have struggled with the whole Catholic thing in the past. But I have two words for you, Internet. And I am sure anyone that has been involve with a Saint This or a Saint That will understand these two words. Anyone who has ever been a part of an Our Lady of This or an Our Lady of That, knows these two words very well. And they are:
Catholic Guilt.
This is not a cliche, folks. It is very real.
Catholic Guilt.
After just one day of being at this school, that good old fashion Catholic Guilt has crept back with a vengeance. After just one day of Good morning, Sister. God bless you, Sister, that old Catholic Guilt comes swarming back to the point where that old cliche of “opening a can of worms” is suddenly so true.
There is a reason this saying is not “Jewish Guilt” or “Christian Guilt” or “Episcopalian Guilt”. It is Catholic Guilt for a reason and, in my opinion, it has to do with that wonderful Catholic tradition - the ever all mighty Confessional. That special act of kneeling down in a tiny wooden booth in front of a priest and confessing your sins.
They teach you all about The Confessional at the ripe old age of seven. At the ripe old age of seven, they teach you what to say when you go to confession:
“Bless me father, for I have sinned. It has been x weeks since my last confession and these are my sins…”
And even though most seven year olds aren’t prone to committing mortal sins, they are still human and therefore are sinners. And even the minor sins must be confessed, you know. I learned what my minor sins were at that ripe old age of seven:
“I lied, disobeyed my parents, I fought, used bad language and missed mass.”
I professed those sins for so many years that even now, several decades later, I can rattle off that little chant without even thinking. And in just one day, it all comes back to me like it was yesterday. I can tell you how powerful the Catholic Guilt is because in just one day, I remember the one confessional that scarred me saved me for life.
He was a new priest, a young guy who showed up at our parish. And boy was he good. I mean good in the sense of really good. A true good soul, which in end amounted to making you feel guilty that you were not as good. Guilty that you were just not that innately good.
I remember that one confession like it was yesterday. I walked into the confessional, made the sign of the cross and gave him my usual spiel.
“Bless me father for I have sinned, it’s been 2 weeks since my last confession and these are my sins: I lied, disobeyed my parents, I fought, used bad language and missed mass.”
Only this new, young priest threw me for a loop. Instead of absolving me of my sins and doling out the usual penance without missing a beat, he said, “Tell me child. What did you lie about?”
Uh?
“Excuse me, father? What did you say?”
He repeated the same question, complete with the child. “Tell me child, what did you lie about?”
Um. Um. Um. “I don’t know, father. I can’t remember…”
He thought for a moment and then said something to the effect of, “Well, how can I absolve you of a sin which you are not sure you even committed?”
“I’m not sure I understand, father.”
“Tell me child, if you don’t remember what you lied about, then how could you possibly feel bad about it? How can you atone for something you don’t even remember?”
“Um, I don’t know, father, but I’m sure I did lie about something at sometime, father. And I do feel bad about it. I am sure of that, father.”
“Well my child,” he said, “When you remember your lie and truly feel sorry for telling that lie, then you can confess to that lie and ask for God’s forgiveness. Until then, I cannot absolve you of a sin which you do not truly repent.”
Uggghhhhhhh!
Oh man, that priest was good! He was good, I tell you, really good. Because from that day on, I felt so friggin guilty any time I lied that he scarred saved me for life.
So why am I telling you all this now? Because in just one day, it has all come back to me as if it was yesterday. And now I feel the absolute need to confess.
I HAVE LIED!
Oh dear Internet, I HAVE LIED. Remember my last post where I said I wrote out a check to UNICEF?
LIE!
It was a lie. A complete and utter lie!
I did not write a check to UNICEF. In reality, I actually sent them the money using a credit card!
Oh my internet, I am heartily sorry for having offended thee!
I didn’t mean to lie, honestly. It just sounded better to say I wrote a check, you know. It went with the whole story and flowed better. “Wrote a ton of checks to this, then wrote a check to that.” It just sounded better than “filled in my credit card information online for that.”
But the truth is, I did not actually write out a check to UNICEF, but donated the money using modern technology online with a credit card.
Will you ever forgive me?
Jesus, Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now until the hour of our death. Amen.
I HAVE LIED!
Catholic Guilt.
It is not a cliche.
My God, believe me when I tell that this shit is real. Because after just one day, one frickin day of God bless you’s, those worms are so fucking far out of the can, I don’t know if I can ever get them back in again.
Catholic Guilt, religion in Fun with Neurotics
Reader Comments (6)
So... you lied about the way in which you did a very good deed?! I'm not Catholic, but I think you can be given a pass on this one! ; )
I too am a victim of Catholic Guilt. So I can relate. What you experienced happened to me when I was pregnant with my first child. I joined the church near me instead of going back to my childhood church. I joined because I wanted my child to be baptized. I went to confession for the first time in about 15 or so years. The priest told me that God understands that it is impossible for me to remember all my sins, so I got a blanket forgiveness. I broke out in tears and was afraid to leave because everyone would see me crying. The power of Catholic Guilt is amazing.
lol...LOL..........LLOOLL
having been tortured by parochial school in the 60's, i hear you, i hear you, IHEARYOOOOOOOU.
my retort is 'i used to be catholic, then i escaped'.
Hi I am stopping over from Bossy's this morning. I read your comment about google. Very funny story about your catholic guilt! I was raised Christian, and I think you are right, you guys dole out way more guilt than we do! : ) I hope your daughter has a GREAT year in school. Kindergarten is so exciting.
Gimme 2 "Hail Mary's", an "Our Father" and a check to St. Vincent de Paul Society and we'll call it even....
My kids go to a Catholic school as well. I make them leave the guilt in their lockers. They can get it out again the next day AT SCHOOL.
@RuthWells: Thanks for the pass, now if I could only grant myself the same!
@Kris: I hear you! Those really good priests can melt your heart with their kindness. It is our trained minds that turn it into guilt automatically!
@humorworks: I thought I escaped too! No such luck as it turns out.
@highlyirritable: On my knees right now! LOL. I will have to teach P how to leave the guilt in the locker. I like that.
@Kaishon: Thanks for stopping by! Love your blog and photos!