Getting It
Saturday, April 25, 2009 at 11:30AM “It’s not having what you want. It’s wanting what you’ve got.” - Sheryl Crow
I was driving home the other day from work when the song Soak Up The Sun came on. Every time I hear this song on the radio, that one line sticks with me. It’s a great line. So simple, yet so deep. And I always seem to hear it, I mean really hear it, when I need to be reminded of just that simple obvious fact.
It’s not having what you want, it’s wanting what you’ve got.
And yet, just having Sheryl Crow scream it out there doesn’t automatically make it so. It’s something I still have to work at and work on. Wanting what I’ve got. So, every time it just pops up on the radio and I hear it, I mean really hear it, I take it as a sign. Get to work, girl. Start wanting what you’ve got and stop focusing on what you want.
Unfortunately, I tend to be the type that lives in the past and future, mostly ignoring the present. I can’t imagine how much heartache, sadness, pain and suffering I could have avoided if I just enjoyed the present instead of dwelling on the past and worrying about the future.
I remember when I was looking for an apartment about 10 years ago, because I was suddenly being forced out of my current place. I was working as a social worker and completely poor. Straddled with student loans, every day bills and credit card debit on an entry level social worker’s salary didn’t leave me many options on where to live.
I was checking out this one apartment for rent in the neighborhood I now live in. It was several blocks from where I live now, which at the time made a huge difference. The difference between a nice, safe family neighborhood and a scary, depressing poor neighborhood. But that was all I could afford.
I remember going to see this one bedroom apartment with it’s water stained ceilings, dirty spotted rug, mildew smell and creepy landlord. Just the thought of that place, depresses me now. As I was leaving, I decided to drive around the neighborhood and check things out anyway, just in case it came to this. I remember driving down the street I live on now and actually saying to myself, “Why couldn’t it have been here? Why not this block which is so nice, with it’s church and trees. WHY????”
I didn’t take that apartment. But 10 years later, I now live on that block, the one with all the trees and the lovely church. The one I wanted to live on.
It’s a shame at those desperate moments, there really isn’t a guardian angel that comes to you and let’s you know it’s all going to be alright in the end. Wouldn’t it have been nice if some guardian angel showed up just then and said to me, “Don’t worry. It’s gonna be OK. See that house over there? The one just under that beautiful cherry tree with the wide step and huge bay window? You’re going to live there one day. You’re going to afford with the money you make at your job, doing what you really love to do. Yes, you’re going to live in that house one day. With your family.”
How much worry and heartache and despair could have been avoided if I knew then what I know now?
So, yeah it’s good when Sheryl shows up on my radio, belting out that line. It’s like a mini guardian angel reminding me of today. What I got. The things I wanted.
I thought about that line a lot today, which is why I have decided to open the envelope and read the letter. I’ll open it on mother’s day. I figure, even if it says something really stupid like “please don’t throw this away”, it’s still a symbolic gesture of sorts. Me now, acting as the guardian angel to my “inner child” then. Reaching out to her and saying, “It’s gonna be OK. I have the box and am keeping it safe for your daughter. The one you hoped for. The one you wanted. The one you’ve got.”
Reader Comments (5)
I am posting a link to this post for a friend going through a real rough time. And I have thought this so often--how soothed I would have been at another point to know that Things would Work Out. Thanks for capturing that so perfectly.
Can't wait to see you at the next Wednesday Spaghetti!
very good reminder - thanks for that! i think i'm going to come back and read this every day this week. x
Wonderful post. And what I needed to read today as I sit in my house, buried in housework, buried in bills, buried in everything I still want but don't have. I always thought I could just breathe easier, relax and enjoy the moment better, if I knew that everything would turn out alright in the end. Maybe I just need to start telling myself that, even though we can't really know that for sure.
This really touched my heart. What a lovely post. I am so amazed that you literally live there now!! Such a gorgeous mystery, isn't it? I'm breathing easier!
keep the faith momish, and happy mother's day!
ps don't forget to dish on the letter.......can't wait