"R" Is For Risk

The first week after I had Piper was completely consumed with how to care for her.  It was basically a whirlwind of task after task after task I had to master.  How to breast feed her, change her diaper, dress her appropriately, bathe her, lay her down so she didn’t die of SIDS, not to mention clipping those ridiculously teeny tiny nails.

Every moment was wrought with OhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGod, how do I care for this child!?

Finally, I was able to relax and have some confidence in my skills as a first time mother.  And when I say I was able to relax, what I really mean is that for all of three seconds, I had a moment of peace. Because it only took three seconds of peace before the flood gates opened and let loose the real anxiety:

Oh. My. God. I. Have. A. Child.

It was one of the most profound moments of my life.  And for every element of anxiety and panic that suddenly overwhelmed me, there was an equal if not greater element of elation and joy.  As I laid there with this new baby in arms, I asked myself what it truly meant that this child was mine. My daughter.  My daughter, as opposed to her daughter or her daughter or that woman’s daughter. What can I give her that will make it worthwhile to be my daughter?

That was over four year ago and lately that scene has been going through my head ever since I went to that eWomansNetwork event and heard that motivational speaker. Because four years ago, I made a promise to my daughter, a promised that I would do everything I could to pass on my love of philosophy to her and that would be the “something extra” (besides my endless mommy love) which I could give her. Something she would get from being my daughter and not her daughter or her daughter or that other woman’s daughter.

Four years ago.

So yeah, if they were handing out report cards right about now? Um, I’d be getting a big fat “F” for Failure to fulfill.  And it’s not because I haven’t done anything either.  I have done a lot, especially over the past two years, but I’ve been too chicken shit to do anything about all the stuff I’ve done.

I keep playing that scene in my head and keep hearing what Ms. Brody said in her speech about needing to take risks in order to grow. So, I am going to take a huge risk.  I am going to grow.  This blog is going to grow.  I am going to fulfill my promise to my daughter and put myself out there, on the line.

I’m adding another section to Momish that will be about philosophy for kids and it will include some of the stories I have written for Piper over the past two years.  Stories that I never sent to any publisher, never read to her, never showed others, all because I was too scared of rejection and criticism.  But I am motivated now and ready to take a risk.  This is why I haven’t been around lately because I have been working on the new section and it’s been keeping me real busy.

Stay tuned.

I’m excited about it. And nervous. But excited more than nervous.

I think.

{and now it will be too late to chicken out, because I am about to hit publish…eeeeekkkkkkkk}

Comments

[Mama P]

Y E S !

[Emily]

Good for you!! I have found that making a public commitment is key to following through on reosolutions and promises. And the good news is that Piper probably wasnt ready (and may not be for a few years) to benefit from her Mom's persoanl growth. As she gets older, it will be important for you to grow together. I cant wait to read the new section of Momish. I know there will be some gems in there!

[humorworks]

can't wait;)))))