Dating & Blogging Out
Sunday, August 5, 2007 at 09:21AM I read an interesting article yesterday. It was the title “Dating Out” that grabbed my attention. Anything about the plight of dating usually grabs my attention. As a woman who didn’t marry until her late thirties (late, late thirties), I still maintain a strong interest in the dating woes of women today, fully knowing the hurdles they face.
This particular article focused on the difficulty American black women face out there. As a result, the article states that a lot of American black women are dating outside of the black community and having interracial relationships more than ever before. Part of me just thinks this is a general sign of the times where the world is becoming more accepting of our diversity and that we are all just people, regardless of race. But then this statement grabbed my attention and hit me in the heart:
It comes as statistics suggest American black women are among the least likely to marry.
The article suggests that part of the issue is that American black women are becoming more educated and more successful, working their way up the corporate ladder. Isn’t that just the typical catch-22 of progress? And isn’t it just typical that the hardship again seems to fall on the women’s shoulders? Today’s black women are sadly caught in that intermitted state, where they find themselves waiting for the rest of the world to catch up.
But how long can you wait when it comes to love, family and happiness? In some ways I can answer that question, but in other ways I cannot. As an educated and successful white women, I faced the same dating hurdles once I passed the thirty year mark. Focusing on one’s education and career shouldn’t be a sacrifice for a happy marriage and a family. Yet, it too often seems to be the case. I feel fortunate that I met my husband and was given this chance. And yet, my first marriage was his second and my first child was his third. For most of the over-thirty woman I know, this is the typical scenario.
But on the other hand, I will never know the extent of what American black women face in today’s world when it comes to finding a mate. All I can say is that I sympathize and fully understand any woman’s need and desire to find a mate that is supportive, loving and one she can regard as her equal and likewise be regarded as his equal. Since that is no easy task, I say do whatever it takes to make you happy. And in the process, move this world along!
On a further note, as I was writing this post, I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of response it would get from any black women readers out there. But then I realized, I actually don’t have any black women readers, none that I know of anyway. For the first time since I started blogging, I find that surprising and a bit disturbing. Tell me, those of you who were at BlogHer, was there a fair representative of people of color? I know City Mama spoke about this with regards to PR agents and advertising opportunities but haven’t really heard any other discussions beyond that.
In any event, consider me a ready and willing woman ready to start “blogging out”!
Momish
As the wise Jen pointed out in her comment, there is a distinct economical factor at work here. Above when I said I can relate, I was referring to the fact that I too more or less had to “date out” and look beyond my blue collar Italian heritage for a mate. At the risk of stereotyping, I can honestly say that every Italian guy I met and dated was vehemently opposed to day care. Translation: Don’t even think for a second you can have a career, even if that means living paycheck to paycheck and passing the same economic fate down to our children.
Reader Comments (8)
And you are right Jen, it is true that blogging would fall more into an economic level of distinction than anything else. Sadly, the two often go hand in hand, huh?
Hopefully, as home computers become less expensive and more of a necessity in today's world, we will see a more culturally, economically and racially diverse presence on the internet and at future BlogHer conferences.
Why is that, I wonder?
1. The article fails to account for retention rates, it only states enrollement rates. Yes, 36% of Black women attend college and this seems to correlate with the 40% who don't marry BUT of that 36%, only 40% graduate. So, we are actually talking about a very small number of Black women who have the potential for great careers.
2. The problem I have this (other than just plain bad reporting) is that it allows us to ignore the fact that black women are one of the most marginal groups in our country. I mean, gee, they are so successful they have to marry WHITE men! (Vomit.)
3. BUT, I do think that statistics on intermarriage are hopeful. I think the more we mix, the more likely it is that racism will be eliminated within a couple of generations. I hope to see it in my lifetime.
But, I know that this wasn't really the point of your post. I was married when I was 22, so I didn't have to do all of the dating stuff for as long. But long enough, let me tell ya! Women who continue to date are so brave in my opinion. I just hated every minute of my single life. But again, being young probably had a lot to do with my insecurity. I am much more confident now than I was at 21.
if i were a working mother of any color with young kids i might not have time to even look at a blog or know what one is. families that might otherwise not have computers in the home often do because they have school age kids. the word needs to get out that blogging is also for women;))
women of all races are becoming more educated, some delaying marriage and kids, and in this country and this century have the opportunity for empowerment.
in the online dating scene there are opportunities to meet friends, partners, or spouses from a broad background, overflowing with diversity that were not possible in the past. having said that,"buyer beware" one needs to use a lot of common sense.
so what i am saying is that there are no limits except those you set, and as we move forward in this century with instant communication at our fingertips i think you will continue to see women and men empowered to make their own decisions and not necessarily follow the traditions of the past.
I was at Blogher and had a great time. I thought it was a pretty diverse group of people, but then again, I'm used to often being the only person of color at many places, so it was nice to see that I wasn't. I guess diverse is a relative term. It depends on what you're used to.
I thought it was very interesting for a number of reasons, including those you have raised here.