Tick Tock, Tick Tock

You know how you have those little rituals that you do to relax and kick back, just for you and you alone? Well, one of mine has always been to read the Sunday paper.  It's my "quiet time".  I get to catch up on all the latest news, read the in depth special interest articles (the Philadelphia Inquirer is one of the best newspapers in the country), clip my coupons, then finally do the crossword puzzles (in pencil, since I haven't reached the ink level yet).  I love the crossword puzzles, especially the New Times one. 

This has been my ritual since I was in high school. Naturally, for the past year I have been challenged. I don't always have the several hours to set aside Sunday night, even if I remain awake long enough. So, I may read the paper and do the puzzles on Monday or Tuesday or whenever. As a result, I have somehow managed to warp my relaxation ritual into a measurement of my time management skills. If I can get through the paper by Tuesday, I feel I am doing pretty good. As you can imagine, by last night I was feeling pretty damn shitty about myself.

It was Thursday and I still hadn't even read the front page! All week, I could imagine my crosswords feeling crushed under the weight of all that news with their tantalizing cryptic codes begging to be cracked. I felt trapped in a foggy nightmare where I kept trying to rescue them, but they were always just out of reach. They were calling for me desperately, and I couldn't save them from their blankness. I would hear those anxious white squares begging to be filled in with neatly written tiny letters, rendered by my crisp 0.5mm lead pencil. They were screaming, "Solve us, solve us! Hurry before the big bad answer keys come in next week's paper."  I knew the time is running out for my faithful friends, but I was too entangled within my hectic mommy life with no time management tools to break free.

But fear not!!!! (spoiler alert: everything worked out in the end) Last night, I put on my MacGuyver hat and saved the day! I came up with a doozie of a master plan. I grabbed the nearest pair of scissors, an excellent bottle of wine, an empty tissue box and a deck of cards. With those few household items, I managed to get my crosswords done. First I took the scissors and quickly cut those helpless puzzles out of that paper. Fuck the news! Fuck the special interest articles! Fuck the coupons! Desperate times called for desperate measures! The rest of the paper was expendable! So I strategically laid the remaining sections into two piles on the kitchen floor, fully knowing each cat would be compelled to stake their claim. Once the cats were settled in, I poured the wine into a glass and gently placed it down next to my husband's computer, way off in the other room. He immediately took the bait. Next, I took half the deck of cards and the empty tissue box. I waited until I got the kid's attention, then I started dropping the cards into the tissue box one by one. With each card I dropped, I slowly took another step backwards until I was in front of the computer and wine glass. I then threw down the box and escaped as fast as I could back to kitchen. Voila! A whole hour and 14 minutes to myself! Puzzles solved.

Now, if I could find a way to stop turning my relaxation rituals into sources of angst and self loathing, that'd be something to make even Houdini proud.

Comments

[bubandpie]

Reclaiming the Sunday crossword was one of those big milestones in my babies' lives - when they're manageable enough that I can finish the puzzle before the answer key comes out, I know that I've survived the worst of it.

Also, I knew that my blogging addiction had gone TOO FAR when it was preventing me from completing the crossword. Steps have been taken.