Smoke & Mirrors
Saturday, November 4, 2006 at 08:18PM I was a lucky child, my grand parents lived down the shore. So, every summer my sister, my two cousins and I would stay with them while our parents worked and visited on the weekends. One of my cousins also happened to be (and still is) my best friend. We did everything together throughout those summer months.
Summer after summer, we would go to the beach during the day and then to the piers at night. There was this one pier that had great rides, that could probably be considered our home away from home. They had a haunted house that was really lame, but it would constantly break down. So, it was actually quite scary in the long run, because you just never knew when it was going to go kabutz. For just three tickets, you could end up sitting in a tramcar, in pitch darkness waiting for some teenage kid with a flash light to come find you and lead you out on foot. That was the fun part, because we wanted to be scared and we wanted to see all the mechanical stuff up close. On the rare times it actually worked, we would dismount from the tramcar at the end of the ride with long faces, no doubt confusing the shit out of our grand parents with our disappointment.
On this particular pier, they also had the Gorilla Girl attraction. It was a big tent with tiki torches all around it, painted in safari scenes with loud speakers at every corner that piped out Gorilla Girl’s tempting story…
She was captured in Nairobi, South Africa. A princess of an unknown tribe…
It taunted you with tidbits of the young woman who was also half gorilla. It also warned you not to go in if you have a weak heart, are pregnant, etc. That just made it all the more appealing in our eyes. Each summer we would hang around watching as the adults paid their fees and piled into the tent. When it was filled up, the man decked out in safari gear would close the tent flaps and all would be calm and silent. About ten minutes later, you heard lots of screaming, as all the people rushed out of the tent in one big massive swarm. Once safely outside, they would double over laughing, throw their hands over their rapidly beating hearts, wipe the tears from their eyes and then start to dissipate in the pairs or small groups they arrived in, sometimes peeking back over their shoulders just to make sure. My cousin and I were dying to go into that tent, and waited with anticipation until the summer we were old enough to pay our 75 cents and experience this for ourselves. By then, however, we were also old enough to realize it was just a trick, a bunch of smoke and mirrors. (Our neighbor actually dated one of the girls who worked as the princess. He filled us in on exactly how the special effects were done and told us that there were really eight different girls who rotated being the princess.) Still, to us, it was a rite of passage.
Knowing it was all a farce, we decided that we would hang out towards the back and wait until everyone else left to see what happened after the charade. We both had visions of witnessing the “princess” taking off her gorilla mask, shaking out her beautiful hair and calmly going about her business as if she just finished giving a presentation to a board of directors. Or, maybe her boyfriend, who would be waiting in the wings, would rush over and offer her his hand, making sure she didn’t trip as she maneuvered around that dark tent in that bulky gorilla costume.
We paid our money, walked into the musty tent and found our spot towards the back. We waited and watched as other people filed in, some nervous, some laughing and some taking advantage of the dark close quarters to snuggle with their dates. Finally, the show started. On the stage was a beautiful woman in a string bikini with her arms and legs chained to the walls of a cage. The safari dude introduced himself and then her. She smiled and waved, making the chains clank about noisily. Then he gave us some background about this unique creature. She smiled and nodded and smiled and nodded. Then he explained how formidable the chains and the cage were, apologizing to the frail lady for having to keep her in them. She gazed at him lovingly and forgivingly. Then he asked her if she was ready. She bravely nodded her head, yes. Then he began to hypnotize her, luring her into her gorilla state. As he spoke, you could see her starting to change.
I want you think back to Nairobi, princess. Think back, princess.
You could see the hair on her arms rapidly get thicker.
Think back to the time you were a gorilla.
Her long blond hair slowly transformed into dark, black fur.
Think gorilla.
Her lovely tanned face started to morph into the face of a great ape.
Gorilla.
She started to get taller, bigger, wider.
Gorilla.
She started grunting, yanking on her chains.
Gorilla!
She broke free of the chains!!!!!!! She started coming towards us!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAHHHHH!
The safari dude shot her with a tranquilizer! Pop!
Or, so I am told. I wouldn’t know, because by that time my ass was on the other end of the pier, trying to catch my breath safely by the cotton candy stand. My cousin? She was a few feet ahead of me.
We went into that tent several more times before they shut it down, and each time we were even more determined to last till the end. We never did. In fact, we were always one of the first maniacs to bolt out of there as if it were on fire. I can still feel the sensation of both my cousin’s hands planted firmly on my back, pushing me through those flaps into the glaring daylight. Go! Holy shit! Run! Get out!
It amazes me how the body just reacts, even when the mind knows you are really not in danger. We knew it was fake. Yet, the sight of that beast, fake or not, rushing towards us kicked us into survival mode. This is how I feel tonight. I start my new job on Monday. I know I am good at what I do. I know that I am a determined person and that I take a lot of pride in my work. I know I have a good work ethic. I know these are people just like me, and that they are not expecting me to turn water into wine. I know it’s just a job.
But, that is my mind. My body wants to run in the opposite direction.
Reader Comments (13)
CORRECTION:
You are braver than I am for even going in the tent! (MUCH BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!)
This reminds me of a joke.....( I ask forgiveness ahead of time for my lameness)
A lady from the north and a lady from the south are sitting on an airplane. The southern lady turns to the northern lady and asks, "Where are you from?" The northern lady gives her a scowl and responds, "I am from a place where we do not end our sentences with a preposition!" The southern lady smiles sweetly and responds, "Oh, pardon me. Where are you from, Bitch!"
And if you ever happen to have a moment of self-doubt tommorrow, just channel the gorilla lady. Your subjects are sure to quake in their boots.
XO,
P
PS. I adore this story. Sooo good. I could almost smell gorilla girl.
I found you through Heather (millermayhem). I'm looking forward to reading through your archives.
And, Heather: That joke is just classic! I love it!
Like I always say, trust the body --- it knows the truth. Scary, huh?