Wonderland? More like Tot-age Wasteland

Remember that nice post I wrote, oh, gosh, when was that? I think it was just like YESTERDAY! The one about how magical and fabulous it is that my lovely child is learning language and English words to communicate? The one about how this new ability of hers to pick up words at lightening speed gives me visions of what amazing adventures lie ahead? Yeah, well…

MINE! MINE! MINE! Was not exactly what I had in mind when I wrote those words.

Ugh! What is it with toddlers and their incapacity to share? Is this some kind of hard wired survival mechanism? Please tell me that is exactly the case and I am not raising a two foot monster! Please tell me that is nothing more than instinct ruling like an evil Csar over my child’s mind and impulses.

She is like a little terror, hoarding over her toys, the same toys which she is casually interested at best until another toddler even glances at them. And, unfortunately, Piper is the oldest of the slew of babies born last year, in her “play group”. So, naturally, I sit there mortified at my child’s rudeness while I watch these other younger toddlers acting like the perfect non-verbal little angels they are. I know it will be only a few more months until the other moms have to start dishing out their share of sheepish grins towards me. But, quite frankly, right now, I just want to erase her mind and remove all evidence that a language is blossoming in there.

Of all the f*&%$# words in the English language to learn, yet alone pronounce perfectly…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did I say Ugh yet? Ugh! Wait, I have one more deep burning questions for all you mommy experts.  Why is it that she has no problem saying these words:

kitty (2 syllables)

cookie (2 syllables)

Elmo (2 syllables)

Lord help me (oh, wait, that’s me, not her)

Bye, bye; night, night, gandma, okay, what’s dat, again, uh-oh - all are TWO SYLLABLES!

Yet, for some unknown mystery beyond the ages, she cannot for the life of Reilly say:

please (one fucking syllable) 

I’d even settle for a half-assed version of it, like peas or something. But nope. This simple word is way beyond her linguistic repertoire. Please somebody explain this to me.  Even a quasi-good explanation would be helpful right about now. I would love to know. Because, she is kinda cute when she says cookie and melts my mother’s heart when she says gandma.  I don’t want to return her just yet if she’s really not defective.

Comments

[jen]

absolutely. M says octopus, but will not say please, or sorry.

monsters, the lot of them.

[Mommy off the Record]

LMAO. Good luck working on getting her to say "please". My son doesn't say much yet, but something tells me that with all that pointing and grunting towards the stuff he wants, the last thing he's thinking is "please". He's probbably thinking something more like "I WANT IT NOW".

[CrankMama]

Because she knows how fun it is to get mommy to swear...

[Domestic_Slackstress]

Speaking of cussing, my 2-year-old daughter cracked up her 3-year-old and 5-year-old brothers over hot fudge sundaes the other night when she asked for "mo' ass cream." They rolled on the floor in stitches and got her to repeat it umpteen times. It was a running joke all day. She had no idea she said "ass." Her new-speak is laden with Southern accents even though my husband and I are New England Yankees.

[Momish]

jen: I haven't tried "sorry", I'll probably give up by then!

MOTR: "I WANT IT NOW" (4 syllables; she'll say that before "please" too)

Crankmamma: Yeah, it doesn't take much to make me swear!

Domestic_Slackstress: ass cream is just too cute!

[Oh, The Joys]

Ha ha ha ha! Please takes FOREVER!

[jen]

um, yeah. the sorry comes in handy when your child forcefully and rudely does an abject smackdown of another much more polite little person who just happened to get in her way.

and thanks, hon, for your kind words earlier over my way. xo

[Tuesday]

Isn't that always the way? You go crazy waiting for them to talk then when they do, it is always the wrong things!

[Paige]

I feel you on this one, sister. I've been trying like hell to get my ornery 17-month-old to say please and to no avail. However, this week, when I decided to ignore the usual skull-splitting screams that indicate she wants to get out of her high chair...she quieted down and said "Mama, down pwease?" I almost had a heart attack.

Haven't heard it since though...because she enjoys the same multisyllable words yours appears to like. Elmo, coo-coo, Mama, cookie, bad-dog, night-night...you know the drill.

[jenny]

"I don't want to return her yet if she's not really defective." Hee!

I so can relate to this post. You're not alone, chaquita.

PS. I haven't forgotten about the meme...just taking me awhile.